I'm in an odd place right now and I really don't like it. But honestly, I don't know what to do. Things weren't supposed to be this way. I just want to be happy...

I've been thinking about M, lately. I don't miss him anymore. I truly believe that I'm over him now. But he's crossed my mind several times and I've been feeling this strange urge to reread his emails and texts and to reminisce. I really want to just do it, but I'm kind of afraid that doing so will make me want him all over again and I definitely can't do that... Maybe I do still kind of miss him. Or at least, I miss what we had and how he made me feel. I miss talking to him and thinking about him and the relationship (however you want to define it) we once had.

I feel so lost in life. I don't know what I want or what I have. I don't know where I want to go. It shouldn't be this hard to figure stuff out! So then... why is it?

I'm sick of pressure and routine. I am so desperate to get away. I want to jump in my car and just keep on going and going...

I need an escape...

So the other night, I had a couple of dreams and for some reason, I actually remembered them.

Dream #1: I don't know what I was doing but I looked down and noticed that the bracelet my best friend gave me was gone. I freaked out and looked everywhere for it. (I actually woke up and checked to make sure the bracelet wasn't missing).

Dream #2: So, for some odd reason, I went to go visit M in Michigan and D also lived in the same city as M. The whole time I was in Michigan, planning to meet up with M, I was debating on whether or not I should visit D. I woke up without ever actually making a decision. (This dream really bothered me because M basically broke my heart, which I say at the risk of sounding way overdramatic, and D is the guy who's here for me now and I thought I was getting over M and falling for D. So this dream is very confusing and though it's just a dream, I can't help but wonder...)

And that's my random post for the day.

He IM'd me today...

A few days ago, I left him a comment on his facebook to ask about his broken finger...
Well, this morning, he finally commented back telling me about his finger and then asking me how I've been. He said he hadn't seen me online in a while, which was kind of true.

Then tonight, he actually IM'd me. I was surprised but things felt... different. We caught up a bit and then he just kind of disappeared on me. It felt nice and friendly and it wasn't too painful at all.

I hope this is how it feels when one is finally getting over someone and learning to let go. I like this. It feels better this way...

But at the same time, if this is me finally getting over him and letting go... it kind of makes me sad to see it end. I liked the way he made me feel and the way I felt about him. It's kind of sad that it's the end.

Sigh. That's just my rambling thoughts for tonight... I should sleep.