Bloop!

My life in my eyes... Oh dear...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I am done with my research paper.

"Humans as the Instigators of Fate"

All I need is to print and turn it in.

It wasn't as excruciating as it could have been.

The worst part of senior year is over.

I thought the completion of the research paper deserved a post of its own.

Saturday, March 25, 2006


I'm stressed.
Stupid research paper.
I'm just stuck. I know what I'm writing about, but I'm just not sure how to write it.
My mind is so preoccupied with a massive mess of things... how can I focus?
I have 3 days. I can do this.

There's 2 and a 1/2 weeks til spring break...
7 weeks until my Josie's debut...
9 weeks until prom...
and 10 weeks til graduation...

can I do this?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


so it's been a while. I don't know what to say. I have so many things running through my mind lately. I'm seriously done, but I don't want it to be over just yet. I'm not ready for it to be over. can I be an adult? can I grow up? do I want to grow up? sometimes, I wonder. I would say that I'm a pretty mature teenager. but what if that's all? what if I'm just a mature teenager but not yet a mature adult? I don't know where I'm going in life. I'm stuck on so many things. I just want to break free of it all, but I can't. I want to start all over. some place new, with people who don't know me. I want paradise. it's funny because I know why I'm suffering right now. well, at least, one of the reasons why I'm suffering right now. but I can't seem to do anything about it. it's a vicious cycle. it's karma, and I know it. but I refuse to change my ways. I'm causing my own suffering, I know it. I just realized that that is exactly what I'm discussing in my research paper, which is due in TWO WEEKS! how fitting. it didn't click before.

and suddenly, I'm inspired...

Friday, March 03, 2006


wow... so one day, I was looking through scholarship offers and possibilities, and I saw one that seemed to suit me. it was a poetry contest for poetry dot com. so I sat there, staring at my computer screen for a moment. I thought about my life, searching for inspiration, and inspiration hit me. I wrote an 8-line poem and went to bed. I didn't think anything more of it, because I didn't think there was anything more to think about.

well, today, I got home at about 10:45 ish, and my mother knocks on my door.
"you got a bad letter in the mail today," she said.
I gave her a strange look, trying to figure out whether or not she was telling me the truth, then I asked, "what do you mean? bad letter for what? from who?"
"follow me," she replied, making her way downstairs and then towards the kitchen.
"what letter?" I kept repeating.
"this," she replied pulling out an envelope.
'poetry.com?' I thought.
I looked a little closer and noticed my poem in small print. I was baffled and wondering, 'what does this mean?'
then I read the note that came with it:
'dear sylvia,
after carefully reading and discussing your poem, our Selection Committee has certified your poem as a semi-finalist in our International Open Poetry Contest.... In celebration of the unique talent that you have displayed, we also wish to publish your poem on its own page in what promises to be one of the most highly regarded collections of poetry we have ever published...'

I'm so thrilled... I don't really care about some of the stuff, but it feels good to have someone look at my poem and tell me it's worth something, that it shows talent. and right on a day when I feel like I lack any special talent. It's good to know I can express myself poetically.
I feel like I'm finally going somewhere and doing something.

I'll post my poem in a later post... maybe the next one... and maybe I'll explain it...