My heart hurts. And I don't fully understand why.
I just feel so lonely and I'm tired of it. It makes my mind play tricks on me and think stupid things. I just want to feel safe somewhere. I want to feel wanted somewhere. It sounds overdramatic which only makes it all the more depressing that it's true.

The weird thing is.. I don't even know if I want him... but a part of me says I should convince myself that I do so that I can at least pretend for a while... But my reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with him are logical and valid...

Am I just doing this to myself? I don't even know what I'm rambling on and on about... I'm just tired of it all. I want to escape.

Sigh.