so it's been a while. I don't know what to say. I have so many things running through my mind lately. I'm seriously done, but I don't want it to be over just yet. I'm not ready for it to be over. can I be an adult? can I grow up? do I want to grow up? sometimes, I wonder. I would say that I'm a pretty mature teenager. but what if that's all? what if I'm just a mature teenager but not yet a mature adult? I don't know where I'm going in life. I'm stuck on so many things. I just want to break free of it all, but I can't. I want to start all over. some place new, with people who don't know me. I want paradise. it's funny because I know why I'm suffering right now. well, at least, one of the reasons why I'm suffering right now. but I can't seem to do anything about it. it's a vicious cycle. it's karma, and I know it. but I refuse to change my ways. I'm causing my own suffering, I know it. I just realized that that is exactly what I'm discussing in my research paper, which is due in TWO WEEKS! how fitting. it didn't click before.

and suddenly, I'm inspired...