today, I "bonded" with a couple of people. I never thought I would.

specifically, I told someone some things that I hadn't even told my best friends, and things I've only told my best friends. I don't know why I did, but in that moment, it just came out. I don't regret it or anything, but it was surprising. it's hard to come out with your secrets. it's terrifying. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to have these deep dark secrets. there are so many, I lose track, and yet, they've always made me feel so safe. does that make sense?

one of the things that stood out most about my conversation with the above person, was that people need to embrace their pasts and unleash their secrets. I am not emotionally stable enough to embrace my past, or unleash my secrets, the secrets I've even kept from myself. I really am not. I can't even come close to the subject without bursting into tears. when I even try to analyze myself, I cry. I can't do it yet, but I am so determined to be able to do it one day, even though I'm not completely sure if I could ever be strong enough. maybe I'll find that one person who will make me strong enough. maybe I already have, but either way, I have to wait.

I can do that.