I thought this deserved its own separate post. This was actually on my mind last night, but I didn't think to post it here then and I had a nice escape in the form of a certain guy. So tonight, I will type this out...

Yesterday, my dad got married to a girl who isn't very much older than I am. It grossed me out a bit, and yeah, I was kind of disturbed. That's how I felt when I found out he was even dating her in the first place. I want my dad to be happy, but seriously? This can't possibly be it. I think he'll regret this one day and by then, what can he do?

And then there's my mother. She's been acting like a teenager since her divorce, not that she'd been completely innocent when she was married still or anything. She's been hanging around this guy who has 4 kids under the age of ten. These kids call her mommy and piled her with gifts on Mother's Day (which she didn't spend with her own children) even though she claims to us that she's just friends with their father. It's all rather warped to me... And to make matters worse, she apparently has a new boyfriend an hour away from here which is why she'd been spending so much time over there, though she claims she's spending time with her sister who also lives there. She also wants to move to that county by the end of summer.

I've never been particularly close to my parents. I love them, yes. They care about me, yes. But they don't know me. They've never truly tried and they never will. This much, I know and accept. But seriously? I'm embarrassed by all the stupid crap they do. It's all getting to be a bit much. I would kind of like to have a normal family.

I just don't know. My life is just ridiculous. I feel like I'm in a bad soap opera that will never end.

But through it all, I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I'll turn out like my parents, that I am like my parents; at least when it comes to love and relationships. I saw my older sister act like them. I've never been in a real relationship so I'm not sure how I'd act, but what if it's just like them. They're unable to be faithful. They love but they still hurt the ones they love. They string people along, lead them on, then break their hearts. They use people and dispose of them. I understand that they've been hurt and they're still GOOD people who I will always love unconditionally, but even still...

I do not want to be like them and I am terrified that I will be...