I have come to the realization that I sacrifice a lot for my friends...
so much so, that I sacrifice my own happiness in the process...
I love doing it for the ones I love, it makes me happy...
but giving them their happiness is sometimes suppressing my own self.

It's like this, I try so hard to make my friends feel safe and secure with me so that they feel comfortable if they choose to confide in me, and they do...
yet, when it comes to confiding in them, I can't.
I don't want them to worry about me, I don't them to feel my burdens, I don't them to pity me, I don't want them to feel my deepest sorrows...

My world is still in its just shattered stage...
I can't find the strength to piece it back together...
and I don't know if I can do it alone...
but I don't want to force someone to help me...

I'm beginning to feel like an incoherent mess...

Maybe it's just another step towards my insanity...


On a different note:
Last night marked an end.
the evening as a whole was beautiful, wonderful, fun...
and yet, terribly sad and disappointing...
I wish it weren't over...

My head wants desperately to let go
But my heart won't let me...