I want him. I don't care what my rational mind says. I don't care what HE says. He IS good enough for me. Granted, our situation is absurdly complicated and all this is ridiculously difficult, but I can't help but feel that he's worth it.

I'm setting myself up for heartbreak, I know. Because if he decides that I'm not quite worth all this trouble... or if he keeps insisting that he's not worth all this trouble, then it's going to really hurt. I don't know what I'll do if that happens. My happiness now depends so much on him. It's dangerous, but I can't help it. He makes me so happy during this time when things are just such complete shit.

I just don't know what to do. He's amazing. And I just want to be in his arms. It's not fair. Why can't things just be a little bit easier?

God, I can't wait for January... I just hope we can hold out until then...